The Future of English in Canada

14 05 2012

So, regular readers will have little argument with my assertion that my English (despite being born with that label myself) is not perfect. However, that is largely a feature of my own inattention at school, rather than some failure on behalf of those fine individuals dispatched to teach me said language.

Having seen the delight I have taken from writing down little things of interest in my Moleskine, my daughter began recording the little “oddities” that her English teacher occasionally utters. Here are a few of the more amusing, which she assures me are literal transcriptions:

  • One out of every homosexual men was killed (in reference to the holocaust)
  • Silhouette – I like that word, but I don’t know how to spell it
  • Spelling doesn’t count (talking about doing a crossword!)
  • What is so responsible for the noise?
  • I think in that fat stomach there’s a lot of wisdom
  • I like depressing myself by watching the news
  • When adults are angry, they shoot each other
  • How do we tell a character?
  • How does it look like?



3 responses

15 05 2012
misfits' miscellany

This might be a spurious list, so take it with a pinch of salt, but this is supposed to be what passes for English in a SA hospital. If any of it’s true, then sympathy for those writing records in a second language.

Actual writings in Mpumalanga Hospital Records.

1. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

2. The patient has no previous history of suicides.

3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.

4. Patient’s medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only 11kgs weight gain in the past three days.

5. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

6. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

7. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.

8. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

9. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

10. Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.

11. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

13. She is numb from her toes down.

14. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.

15. The skin was moist and dry.

16. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

17. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

18. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

19. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.

20. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

21. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

22. The patient refused autopsy.

23. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

24. Skin: somewhat pale but present.

25. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.

26. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities

15 05 2012
Quieter Elephant

Wow! The rectal examination of the thyroid seems particularly challenging!

15 05 2012
misfits' miscellany

Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it.

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